Avoid cliches in figurative language.
Her hair flowed down her back like a golden wave?
Tears streamed down my face like a river?
I was a cheetah in the race.
What a pig!
How can you add metaphor, simile and personification into your writing without sounding silly? I would recommend looking at authors like Roald Dahl and David Walliams who use similes and metaphors very nicely indeed!
(see below)
Another recommendation is to follow this link and read this article from an editor about how to avoid bad metaphors and similes and use powerful ones like 'the children climbed up the backbone of their mother' which are very evocative and powerful.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Metaphors and Similes
"He was hopping about among the saucepans and the machines like a child among his Christmas presents." (107) (Simile)
This simile compares Wonka to a child on Christmas, and it accentuates his excitement over his work. Mr. Wonka is truly passionate about candy, chocolate, and all the amazing things he creates, and that is more clear than ever when the group steps into the Inventing Room. The choice to compare him to a child is significant as well, since this book is highly concerned with the distinction between child and adult. In a way, with his energy and enthusiasm, Mr. Wonka is nothing more than a large child himself.
"They were as shriveled as prunes, and as bony as skeletons." (17) (Simile)
This simile, appearing at the beginning of Chapter 2, characterizes the four grandparents in the Bucket household. The comparisons make it clear just how old they really are; however, the comparison to skeletons also emphasizes just how hungry they are, since no one in the Bucket house ever has enough to eat.
"How long could we allow this beast to gorge and guzzle, feed and feast?" (96) (Metaphor)
The Oompa-Loompa songs are full of figurative language used to characterize the naughty children. This particular metaphor is used in Augustus's song; comparing him to an animal, a beast, is the best way to describe him, since he eats nonstop and without any sort of manners. This gives readers a clearer picture of why Augustus's greed and gluttony is so terrible.
"The children are disappearing like rabbits!" (141) (Simile)
Mr. Wonka uses this simile at the beginning of Chapter 25, after three children have been eliminated and only Mike and Charlie are left. This particular choice of comparison is important because it makes a reference to magic and magicians, who pull rabbits out of their hats and then make them disappear. The use of language referring to magic is fitting in a factory like Wonka's, because often it seems like magic happens here, and Wonka is a magician himself.
"The elevator had shot right up through the roof of the factory and was now rising into the sky like a rocket." (170) (Simile)
The comparison of the elevator to a rocket emphasizes just how fast they are moving, and how quickly Charlie is climbing to the top with his good fortune, having previously been at the very bottom of society. His stroke of luck when finding the Golden Ticket has opened so many doors for him, and now, as fast as a rocket, he is rising up like a rocket, looking down at the world he left below.
GOOD LUCK!
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